Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Nur Sabryna. I am currently a student studying in your Effective Communication (MEC1281) module. The purpose of me writing this letter is to provide an introduction of myself to you.
I have recently graduated from Singapore Polytechnic in 2020 with a diploma in Aeronautical Engineering. In the beginning of this engineering course journey, I was slightly nervous as my mathematical and physics foundation was weak back in secondary school. However, that did not stop me from achieving my goals. I enjoyed learning the various engineering concepts that was taught and worked hard to get decent scores. Eventually, I succeeded. I have also found my interest in design and creation processes in engineering. Therefore, I am here today in Singapore Institute of Technology, pursuing a degree in Mechanical Engineering.
A strength of mine that I would share is my open-mindedness. Personally, I feel that being open to listen to various dialogues helps me to expand my perspectives on situations. Being flexible has helped me to engage in different conversations, despite disagreeing with people.
Like every flawed human, I do have weaknesses. A weakness that I recognise within me is my shyness. I am not very comfortable in sharing my thoughts to a large group. It is something that I struggled with, especially during presentations. This, however, is still a work in progress as I am taking small steps in sharing my ideas during group projects.
In conclusion, I am looking forward to see what you, Professor Blackstone, have in store for me in this Effective Communication module. Hopefully, by the end of this subject, I will be able to be more comfortable speaking out to larger groups of people, and learn how to develop skills in social networking.
Thank you for your kind attention.
Regards,
Sabryna
Dear Sabryna,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this introductory letter. I realise that we do have something in common, being weak in mathematics. However, the only difference is that you would probably be better than I am today.
With regards to the letter, there is one point for you to take note which may give you another perspective on how you could improve. I believe that you may have listed two strengths – (1) being open-minded & (2) being flexible. Thus, you could have used “In addition to that, being flexible has…” to make your strengths stand out.
Continue to work hard and believe me, you will be many steps closer to achieving your goals when you put your heart and soul into it.
Yours truly,
Richard
Dear Richard,
DeleteThank you for giving your feedback regarding my post!
Best Regards,
Sabryna
Dear Sabryna,
ReplyDeleteYour introduction letter is well-crafted. It is clear and has a good flow which makes it easy to comprehend. However, there is a few grammar mistake that I would like to highlight.
- "the various engineering concepts that was taught" -> "the various engineering concepts that were taught"
- "I feel that being open to listen to various" -> "I feel that being open to listening to various"
- "I am looking forward to see what you" -> "I am looking forward to seeing what you"
Other than that, I enjoyed reading your letter. I look forward to learning with you in class.
Best regards,
Jiayu
Dear Jiayu,
DeleteThank you for pointing out the grammatical errors in my post. I appreciate it!
Best Regards,
Sabryna
Dear Sabryna,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing more about yourself, it was an interesting read.
The points you wanted to bring across to your audience was in a clear and concise manner, making it easy to understand. I found the overall flow of the letter smooth.
Let's work hard towards our goals!
Regards,
Chang Sheng
Dear Chang Sheng,
DeleteI am glad my post was an interesting read for you. Thank you for giving me your feedback as well!
Best Regards,
Sabryna
Dear Sabryna,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this fairly well detailed introductory letter. You cover the parameters of the assignment and illustrate with clear explanations. The letter is rather informative. All in all you do a good job introducing each segment of this post, but a bit more substance would help us know you even more. I’m particularly interested in the explanation of your initial hesitation about your "mathematical and physics foundation(s)." What actually contributed to the change? How did your "interest in design and creation processes in engineering" reach fruition?
In your mention of your strength and weakness in communication, it is true, we readers can sense your open-mindedness, but even that would be clearer if you shared a specific anecdote. Give an example of a situation or scenario when your open mind helped you.
As for your stated weakness, because you connect that shyness with the difficulty you have presenting, this resonates with us more soundly.
In terms of language use and expression, there are still a few issues to consider:
1. sentence structure
-- The purpose of me writing this letter is to provide an introduction of myself to you. > (lack of conciseness)
2. the use of caps: see https://www.hartford.edu/about/offices-divisions/office-marketing-communication/resources/editorial-style-guide.aspx#
3. words/phrases
-- I recognise within me > (use of refexive pronoun) I recognise within myself
https://learnenglish.britishcouncil.org/grammar/intermediate-to-upper-intermediate/reflexive-pronouns#:~:text=Reflexive%20pronouns%20are%20words%20like,was%20making%20dinner%20last%20night.
-- that I struggled with > (verb tense) that I have struggled with (Do you know wht this is better?)
-- I am looking forward to see what you ... > (collocation: common practice) I look forward to seeing what you....
These are minor points, but a little polishing can go a long way. I look forward to reading more of your writing this terms and getting to know you better.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Professor Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for giving such a robust and thorough feedback regarding my post. I truly appreciate it, Professor.
Best Regards,
Sabryna